Day 3 - The not so healthy vegging

After working so hard yesterday, and then again last night, I decided to treat myself by vegging out and enjoying some good old fashioned tv. Well, computer actually, but that still counts, right?

BRB nap time

When I say good old fashioned, I mean old fashioned. I started out with a guilty pleasure - a sappy romance movie called Kate & Leopold. If you are not familiar with this movie, it is from 2001, but has all the cinematic feel of the movies made in the early 1990's. And, like most of them, it comes from a time when Meg Ryan was inexplicably a top choice leading lady. To be honest, I never understood the appeal of her. I guess maybe it was that she looked like an every day woman and gave us normal people hope that we could have the same almost fairy tale. But as someone who grew up on the golden age screen beauties, she always seemed lacking.

Sorry, but Meg Ryan can't hold a candle to this.

Cast alongside Meg Ryan, the movie features a slightly comedic turn by Liev Schreiber and a sweet young baby Hugh Jackman as Leopold, an English Duke from 1876 who has been inadvertently dragged through time to the modern day New York. Jackman plays his part with the dedication that he applies to every role ever, but fate makes it hard for me to take it seriously. Because, you see, there is a fourth lead character - Kate's brother - played by Brekin Meyer, whose character name happens to be Charlie. So as decorum would require, the proper young Duke refers to him as Charles, and I cannot help but to giggle every time because all I can see is Logan and a young Charles Xavier.

Charles...Charles...Stay out of my head Charles

As typically expected in a sappy romance, the awkward, out of place male lead falls for the unconventional not-quite-a-damsel-in-distress and hi-jinks ensue and presumably they live happily ever after. But they never show that part. Because rubbing that in when you live in a world of not-so-happily ever afters is just asinine. That's why Pocahontas II is my favorite Disney sequel ever - it shows the painful fallout of the breakup of Pocahontas and John Smith, and all the uncomfortable interactions that accompany it. Go Disney. But back to Kate & Leopold. Overall, it is a decent movie as far as romances go. The idea was more original that a lot that came out around that time and it was an entertaining watch. Now it can be "shelved" for another decade, until I get really bored again.

True romance

After finishing up Kate & Leopold, I dove into my trusty backlog of anime. I am not going to go into all that right now though, because my addiction to anime would take pages to explain, so that is better left for another time. But for those curious, the show in question was Black Butler. It's pretty messed up.

Day 2 - The one where I write and make you jelly

Well that was fast. I say that I am going to relax. That I am going to pamper myself. That I am going to be stress free. And then the typical Virgo neuroses kicks in and yells "wanna bet?" So, two days into the new year, instead of going to bed when I get out of work at 7 in the morning, I sit at the computer and work on revamping my old abandoned book blog, in anticipation for starting reviews again. The blogging itch is back, and along with it the guilt of ARCs that were sent but never reviewed. In most cases, never even read. I just kinda fell off of the wagon and did not want to think about it. But lately, I find myself wanting to read again. And since I lost most of my tangible, hard copy books in the flood, that means it is time to turn to the folder in my email that I have avoided for several years. The one full of e-books sent to me by aspiring new writers hoping to get their names out there by way of any blogger that would have them. These are the writers that I love most. Still rough around the edges but so full of hope. Okay, so some of them are probably not considered "new writers" anymore. Some of the books in that abandoned folder are second or third in a series from writers that I had previously reviewed and had come to consider fellows. To be honest, these are the ones I look forward to the most.

This is how I imagine the books look after sitting in my email folder for so long. Coincidentally, this IS how the books in my house looked. >.<

Even though these requests are outdated, I still look forward to reading each and every one of them. I get to see the beginning of their journey. Then I get to research and see how far they have come. It is possible that some have flourished and are doing amazing things. It is equally possible that some of them gave up after a solitary, ill-received attempt. But in my eyes they are all equals. Putting yourself out there for others is not an easy thing to do. Maybe my random, out of the blue review of someone's under-promoted six year old debut novel will absolutely make their day. Maybe it will inspire them to pick up a pen. Though it is probably more likely a keyboard at this point. But I digress. My blog is all tweaked, with links updated, and I am confident that it is ready to be posted to without looking like a broken relic of the past. So now it is time for the relaxing, right?

Haha, yeah, no. That's not how this brain works. I got a bit of sleep. I always have to force myself to sleep a bit, so that I can function to work again by 11pm. But most of that down time is spent with my brain racing, yelling at me the next project that really, REALLY needs finished. In this case, it was making a new Facebook page. Not for the blog. The blog has had one for years. Which I made a point to update this morning as well, along with the web site and the companion blogs. No, now we have moved on to something completely different - Jelly.

But not with SPAM in it.

Jelly? This is what keeps me awake? Sure, why not. You see, I love jelly. Jelly is cool. It's like a jar of sugar you can eat with a spoon without anyone judging you for eating sugar with a spoon. And I do love sugar. It's a one-sided love, but most of the best ones are. Where was I? Oh yeah - Facebook. So one of the things I love about jelly, more than eating it, is making it. I learned how to make jelly from my mom when I was really young, but I hadn't done it in years. But while I was at work thinking the strange things that one thinks when they are forced to be awake at 3 am with no coffee, I had this idea for a jelly that was awesome. I mean, probably not, because sleep deprived awesome is way different than normal awesome, but I needed to know. Unfortunately I had not made jelly in a very long time, and my tiny galley kitchen was not equipped for cooking of any sort, much less such a spacious venture. So one day last March, I called up my mom and asked if we could get together and make some jelly. It was a fun adventure. I loaded up everything I needed and drove 3 hours to her place in Waco. Over the next day and a half, we got to hang out and laugh and canned 101 jars of jam and jelly. And you know what? I was right. It was awesome.

How many times can someone say jelly in one paragraph before it gets awkward? 

So I had all this awesome jelly just sitting there. Way more than I could ever eat. It was like some diabetic nightmare. What was I going to do with it all? I went to a little farmers market, but we got rained out so I only sold like three jars. So I loaded it into the van and drove back up to Waco to do this fun farm days thing that my mom had booked to sell her quilts, and sold a few more there. I sold some to friends. I gave some away for the holidays. I planned more festivals and farmers markets. That should have solved the issue. But in the process, I had a lot of fun and decided to make more jelly. Oops. So, here I am, sitting on a giant cache of preserves, running out of storage space already in my shiny new kitchen.

Helping you to prepare for the jelly apocalypse

In comes Miss Amanda. She runs this quaint event called the Houston Tea Festival. I go to the event each year that she has it and do lectures on lolita fashion. In exchange she gives me a vendor table. Usually I sell tea related things - teacups and strainers. Oh, but not this year. Those tea ladies are getting a table full of jelly in the most absurd flavors that their proper minds can fathom. I told her this and she inquired if I was interested in sponsoring a jar of jelly for each of the tables at the event's tea party. Of course! It's not like there is a shortage. But then she asks for a web presence to link on the sponsors page. Web pages are my kryptonite. But Facebook pages I can do. So here I am. I suppose it is a good idea anyways. Now, almost a year into the impromptu jelly black market, I may as well have some semblance of promoting.

The tea is divine, but the scones taste oddly like Mountain Dew...

So, by the end of the day, my relaxing has boiled down to the creation or complete reworking of three blogs, two Facebook pages, and one actual web site (thanks to some instapage thing my hosting provider offers). I should be bummed. But I am not. I was working on things in anticipation of doing things that I love and to promote things that I love. And that makes me happy. So I call it a win.

A Happy New Year

2018 is a new year and I welcome it with all that I am. 2017 found me at a serious crossroads. The last few years had been utter chaos. The kind of thing that breaks a person down to the slightest molecules of being, where you exist merely because you are expected to and there is nothing else to do. Between 2014 and 2016, I lost seven - SEVEN - dear friends. Some of the oldest friends that I have, in many senses. That is enough to break a person on it's own. I almost lost another friend who means the world to me. Add to that finally getting some kind of answers on my son's disability and learning the scope of what that means. And then the "expected" - complications with home life, finances, all the regular stuff. During that time, I also went from part time to full time graveyard shift at my job. Stress, mental exhaustion, and lack of sleep lead to the gaining of 4 sizes and a number pounds that I don't like to think about. Needless to say, by the end of 2016, I was a hot mess.

A figurative - and sadly literal - depiction of my life over the last few years. A trash heap.

So in rolls 2017. I did the typical "set resolutions" game that most people do. And I tried to maintain it. I made a few costumes, I went to a few events. I threw myself into hosting the lolita group's Easter meetup and playing games. I even tried to work out some. But I found myself crashing and burning just as fast, if not faster. To the point that attending conventions and meets was a chore and an obligation, rather than something that I love to do. Don't get me wrong - these ARE things I love to do - but all of a sudden, that wasn't the reason I was doing them. I found myself appearing at cons because "I made a promise and they expect me to be there." I retreated back into the shadows on the lolita group that I technically run, and stopped doing things for other groups altogether. I kind of snapped and stopped caring and wanted to walk away from it all. I took my first vacation time ever from my job and disappeared for the better part of a month. And then came back for about 2-3 weeks and then left again for 2 weeks. I seriously considered throwing it away and not coming back, but again my sense of obligation took over. The year started out with such promise, but by April it had all but fizzled out and was a distant dream. What had gone wrong?

A river of change, coming in to wash away the negativity. Oh, and my house.

Now I know. The latter half of 2017 brought massive changes. Things that I had absolutely no control over. We got hit by Hurricane Harvey and lost our house. We lived in a hotel for a month and a half. We lost most of what we had and the stability of a decade in the same place. I had to back out of events that I had been planning for months, and missed the majority of a ren faire season for the first time in 10 years. The place of employment that I have known for 4 years got bought out with no warning, making me a new hire once again instead of the longest running employee. So I was forced to look at things from a different perspective as I found myself starting over. And I realized that I had spent so much time clinging to things that were unneeded, and going to these things with the goal of making others happy but not actually focusing on my own happiness. I was telling myself that I was doing my hobbies and that it should be good enough, but it wasn't really for me. I was forcing myself out of my comfort zone for brief moments of entertainment for others. My life had become this group or that group - which I am usually okay with - but I had lost control and I was working solely towards the group goals and not my own. I was slowly killing myself by trying to please everyone but myself.

A new foundation to build on. House already included.Which is good. Me building things is scary.

So this is where the crossroads comes in. I bought a new house. After years of trying to fix the place that hearkened stability, I said eff it all and walked away. Stress immediately melted away. Sure the new place has it's quirks, but there is freedom in getting to relax and experience them. I chose to stay at the job for now - it would be irresponsible to leave with a new house note anyways - but I pledged to make it clear to them that I am not a stepping stone to be walked all over. And I will leave if I feel I need to. I have already made sure to have a backup plan, instead of just conceding to the fact that I am stuck somewhere and must deal with it. It feels liberating, just knowing that I am regaining some control over my life. The months since the flood have somehow been less stressful than the years leading up to it. There is less arguing in the house, things are going better for my son with school and managing his disability, and we all seem happier. And that is the key, isn't it? So that is the promise I am making to myself for this new year. No more resolutions - just this promise. 2018 will be about my happiness. I promise to do at least one thing a day to pamper myself. To take one thing that has been making me unhappy and to change it. Because in regards to health, stability, and success, happiness is really the key to it all.